I'M WITH ANXIOUS: A raw and brilliant story about learning to love who you are by Suzanne Brown

Author:Suzanne Brown [Brown, Suzanne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: k'12
Published: 2018-04-01T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 20

Buddha may have the right idea

The old monk leaves me. I think her exact words were, “You ponder. I’ll nosh.”

Part of me still believes I’m stuck in a dream… but the other part of me is in shock and awakening to the possibilities that the old monk just opened. I don’t want to give up my old life as Lottie, but a life without any crappy emotions sounds darn good.

“I thought I might find you sitting here.”

Fah’s voice surprises me, but I don’t jump. I guess I’m not totally feeling every emotion yet. I turn around and find her standing on the path behind me.

“May I join you?” she asks

I nod.

She folds her hands in prayer, bows to the Buddha, and then sits down next to me. She chuckles. “Moments alone with the venerable old gal can be mind-numbing, right?”

“You have no idea,” I mutter.

She snorts, which totally surprises me given her calm demeanor. “Oh, yes, I probably do.”

That makes me wonder what secrets she may be hiding. I doubt they are as ludicrous as mine, but she doesn’t ask me, so I don’t ask her.

She motions to the reclining Buddha. “Do you know this statue symbolizes Buddha’s last moments on earth, right before he entered Nirvana?”

I shake my head. “I thought he was just tired and about to take a nap.”

She laughs out loud. “That’s almost exactly what Rinzen said.” A soft smile forms on her lips. “There are many ways Buddha can be depicted. This reclining Buddha represents the moment Buddha left earth for the final time and entered the state of enlightenment known as Nirvana. By doing so, he escaped the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth, and was set free from the confines of human misery and pain.” She bows her head and whispers so quietly that I wonder if I’m supposed to hear her. “I hope to be set free someday, too,”

I gaze at the Buddha. His eyelids are half-closed, and he does have a very relaxed look on his face. Kind of like the purring kitten snuggled up in my lap. If I never had to feel human misery and pain again I wonder if I would look the same? All content and totally chilled-out.

Fah raises her head and grins. “Okay, then. Monk lesson over. Rinzen and I have another rescue, and we thought you might want to join us.” She raises her eyebrows. “Or you can stay here until someone fetches you to help with the laundry. We hand wash all the robes, and trust me, that is a very smelly task.”

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